The Husband Store

Author: webmaster  |  Category: Clean Jokes

The Husband Store
 
A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
 
There is, however, a catch.  As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
 
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
 
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:  Floor 1 – These men have jobs.
 
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.
 
The second floor sign reads:  Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids.
 
The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?”  And up she goes again.
 
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.
 
“Hmmm, better” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”
 
The fourth floor sign reads:  Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
 
“Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting.  BUT, there must be more further up!”  And again she heads up another flight.
 
The fifth floor sign reads:  Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
 
“Oh, mercy me!  But just think…what must be awaiting me further on?” So up to the sixth floor she goes.
 
The sixth floor sign reads:  Floor 6 – You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor.  There are no men on this floor.  This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
 
Thank you for shopping at Husband Mart and have a nice day.

 
Author Unknown

A Dark and Stormy Night

Author: webmaster  |  Category: Clean Jokes

A Police STOP at 2 am ….

An elderly man is stopped by the police and asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, “I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”

The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”

The man replies, “That would be my wife.”

The Carpenter

Author: webmaster  |  Category: Inspirational Emails

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.

The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.

When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter. “This is your house,” he said, “my gift to you.”

What a shock!  What a shame!  If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had built none too well.

So it is with us.  We build our lives in a distracted way, reacting rather than acting, willing to put up less than the best. At important points we do not give the job our best effort. Then with a shock we look at the situation we have created and find that we are now living in the house we have built.  If we had realized that we would have done it differently.

Think of yourself as the carpenter. Think about your house.  Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Build wisely.

It is the only life you will ever build.  Even if you live it for only one day more, that day deserves to be lived graciously and with dignity.

The plaque on the wall says, “Life is a do-it-yourself project.

Who could say it more clearly? Your life today is the result of your attitudes and choices in the past.  Your life tomorrow will be the result of your attitudes and the choices you make today.

 
Author Unknown

Take My Son

Author: webmaster  |  Category: Inspirational Emails
A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art..
When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.
About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands.
He said, ‘Sir, you don’t know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art.’ The young man held out this package. ‘I know this isn’t much. I’m not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this.’
The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture.
‘Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me.  It’s a gift.’
The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.
The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection.
On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. ‘We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?’
There was silence…
Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, ‘We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one.’
But the auctioneer persisted. ‘Will somebody bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?’
Another voice angrily. ‘We didn’t come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Gogh’s, the Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids!’
But still the auctioneer continued. ‘The son! The son! Who’ll take the son?’
Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. ‘I’ll give $10 for the painting.’ Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.
‘We have $10, who will bid $20?’
‘Give it to him for $10. Let’s see the masters.’
The crowd was becoming angry. They didn’t want the picture of the son.
They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections.
The auctioneer pounded the gavel.  ’Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!’
A man sitting on the second row shouted, ‘Now let’s get on with the collection!’
The auctioneer laid down his gavel. ‘I’m sorry, the auction is over.’
‘What about the paintings?’
‘I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings.
The man who took the son gets everything!’
God gave His son over 2,000 years ago to die on the Cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: ‘The Son, the Son, who’ll take the Son?’
Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything!

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

John 3:16 (KJV)